doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When did angry sex become our thing?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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