i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
