It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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