You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
