you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize