Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
