There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
