just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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