i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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