yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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