TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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