I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
