I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
