so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
