he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i drank out of a bidet.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
