Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
