I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
