Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize