I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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