it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
