Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Say something about gay babies.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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