Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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