got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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