it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
