I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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