shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
