i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
