That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
