Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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