Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
