It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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