Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
