He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
