i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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