these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
