We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
