I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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