we have pet lesbian snakes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
