Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
