....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
