You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Buhtt sex?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
