I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
