so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
