the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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