wanna go halves on a baby?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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