i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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