Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
