He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
