When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
