He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
