My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
