Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
