I'm gonna have a badass scar
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
