I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
