Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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