You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
