I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize