If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And then my night got REAL pukey
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
