You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
