she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize