apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
