I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
