I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
