at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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