I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize