i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
