I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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