I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize