Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
