I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
