Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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