The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
