She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
