Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
