dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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