so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize