This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
