So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
