I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
