Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
