It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
