she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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