When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
foreskin is a definite game changer
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
