Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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