if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
