In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
