Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
