Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
