Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
