I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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