If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
