How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
