that's an acceptable place to lick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize