you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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