Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
